Of the normality of loneliness.
“It’s normal to feel alone. I feel it almost all of the time”.
I last night had a very weird rendezvous with someone I met after returning to Porto. It was unexpected, it was sudden, and it again shook me.
One of the fundamental pillars I believe in is freedom – that one should be able to do what he feels, when he feels it, always. And I like to believe that, being reasonable and rational, we will chose to act in a way that is the most beneficial for the community, when nothing stops us from doing anything else. That we will spread a bit of colour, a bit of warmth, a bit of love. That we will be expansive, that we will care, that we will genuinely wish for those around us to be in the best possible way.
I had not spoken to this person for a while, now. We had developed certain dynamics that were very genuine and warm, but all of that stopped, for reasons unknown, recently. There was nothing physical, nothing of the like. There was not even an intention for that. There was no visible problem, no argument, nothing of the like. There was simply a care, and a genuine desire for the well-being of someone else, that for some reason wasn’t properly translated and understood.
I talked to an incredible friend, in the late hours, about this, and coming back to Porto. About how disconnected I often feel. About how empty things feel, sometimes. There is so much that feels so familiar, but it doesn’t feel like home anymore. About how difficult it is to talk to people, even. About how I, many times, feel lonely. Her answer was the sentence above. “It’s normal to feel alone. I feel it almost all of the time”. I just tilted my head back, and absorbed that idea.
We’re almost in 2018. Centuries of civilization and progress, but we still cannot decode the most important aspect of the human experience – the importance of sharing, of living in a communitarian way. We feel alone. We live alone. In the darkness of the world, we have little hope of anything positive ever happening, we have no faith in those around us. And that, simply put, takes much of our humanity away. We become hollow. We become empty. We become cold.
This is a tragedy in itself. But, together with it, we are very often guilty or not even giving someone a chance. We think we are too scarred to be a positive contribution to someone. We feel we are too uninteresting, we are too stupid, we are too ugly. So we close ourselves even more. We feel that others are there simply to hurt us, that there is obviously a hidden agenda and there is no way they could ever wish for something positive. We lock all doors, and then we say we are alone.
This becomes a vicious cycle – the more we close ourselves, the more defensive we then get; and when someone new shows up, our walls stand up strong, and do the best to block any access. Sometimes, the other can find some cracks on those walls. Sometimes, light will come in, and people become close. But, very often, they won’t be able to find a way of doing that – nor should they. This should not be a battle. And eventually, when they feel like there is no hope, they will lose faith too. They will close themselves a bit more. They will stop giving chances to others, as they will ultimately also have their walls up, and will also become this impenetrable fortress. With that, we will grow even more disconnected, as a society. We will become even more distant. We will defeat the human experience even more.
We will get hurt. People will very often do very confusing, often impossible to understand things. We will be scarred because of that, yes. We will feel there is little hope. But, if we allow for that to affect us constantly, on our daily life, we will not just push those with not so noble intentions away, as we will push everyone away. We will miss out on the little miracles that happen daily, that people do for each other for no other reason than to share a bit of joy, and our colour will continue to fade away. Without hope, there is no humanity in a person. It is only that faith that we can do better, that others deserve a chance, that will defeat all the negative feelings that may be slowly corroding us, and that we will shine. That hope comes from a place of love, always - and it is the sharing of that love, no matter how many adversities one has in life, that will change the world.
14.12.2017
